Posted in: Laughable

Eric and the Gazebo

The Eric of the story is an optimizing-type gamer. Confronted with options, he will, given time, calculate the best solution. Otherwise he is “a superior gamer”. The game was run by Ed. Eric was playing a paladin. He was on some lord’s lands when the following exchange occurred.

Ed: You see a well-groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill you see a gazebo.
Eric: A gazebo? What color is it?
Ed: (Pause) It’s white, Eric.
Eric: How far away is it?
Ed: About 50 yards.
Eric: How big is it?
Ed: (Pause) It’s about 30 ft. across, 15 ft. high with a pointed top.
Eric: I use my sword to detect good on it.
Ed: It’s not good, Eric. It’s a gazebo.
Eric: (Pause) I call out to it.
Ed: It won’t answer. It’s a gazebo.
Eric: (Pause.) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
Ed: No, Eric, it’s a gazebo!
Eric: I shoot it with my bow {rolls to hit}. What happened?
Ed: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
Eric: (Pause.) Was it wounded?
Ed: Of course not, Eric! It’s a GAZEBO!!
Eric: (Whimper.) But that was a +3 arrow.
Ed: It’s a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don’t know why anybody would try. It’s a @#$%!!* gazebo!
Eric: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.
Ed: (Thoroughly frustrated.) It’s too late. You’ve awakened the gazebo. It catches and eats you.
Eric: (Reaching for his dice.) Maybe I’ll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my paladin.

At this point, a semblance of order was restored when other party members explained to Eric what a gazebo is. A little vocabulary is a dangerous thing.

Have your say